The nicest rude people you will ever meet

In reading the book Culture Shock! A Survival Guide to Customs and Etiquette: Korea, I came across a statement that I didn't completely grasp at the time: "Koreans are the nicest rude people you will ever meet". This was written in reference to how many Westerners view the culture and people here, especially those who mainly experience life in Seoul. Even though this assertion seems like an oxymoron, I've witnessed how it plays out to be very true while living among the nicest rude people. Before I go on, I want to make it clear that I have realized Koreans, in general, are no where near the classification of "rude". This title simply stems from cultural differences. Behavior that is perceived as unthoughtful or pushy in The States is considered normal to a Korean; some of our behavior we consider to be friendly and thoughtful is looked upon here as being obnoxious and overbearing. It's all about which lenses you are wearing! Hopefully, I can explain a little further with some personal experiences.

Our first week here in country we were riding in the car with a Korean. I distinctly remember when a car paused and waved for her to go first she chuckled and said, "You can always tell the Americans driving because they will stop and let everyone through!". Yes, it is nice to let others go ahead, but what I have found in this very populated land, it messes up "the system". At times when I have paused a little too long while driving to let another car go first or stop because I was unsure, it has caused an unnecessary traffic backup--and frustrated fellow drivers! Another thing that Americans observe is that Koreans tend to be pushy, whether it be while standing in lines or bumping into you without even a look or invading your 'personal space'. By American standards, I understand this assessment. However, one must understand that there are over 10 million people in just the city of Seoul; if you said sorry to everyone you bumped in to or held the door for everyone behind you, you would never, ever get anywhere! There comes a point when this becomes entirely too impractical, not because people are rude or mean, but because there is a cultural acceptance to forgo it for all practical purposes. I have observed efficiency to be held in higher regard here than an "I'm sorry".

Not the crowds we experience on a normal basis, but not to be unexpected in Seoul.

I believe many of the negative perceptions on a foreign culture are simply from one expecting people to react, believe or behave like people from one's own culture. The old adage is very true 'there is no place like home' and when one stops expecting it to be exactly like home, then a better understanding can occur. Just this weekend we were up in Seoul and while at the train station I had to reload my Tcard with money (the card you use to pay for most public transportation). As the machine was instructing me in Korean and I was stumbling to figure out which buttons to press, a lady comes up behind me, takes my Tcard out of the machine and puts hers into it. As I turned to look at her, my thoughts were "I cannot believe this lady is so impatient. Can't she see I wasn't done?!?". But, when I saw her face I realized that instead of trying to stumble through her English, she was just going to show me how it's done. Forget the small talk and go straight to the heart of the matter; efficiency and kindness going hand in hand--very Korean of her!

Koreans aren't the only ones who might be misinterpreted; there have been occasions when I'm confident I was seen as the rude one! Personal space has a broader definition in The States; in a real sense, everyone there has a bubble around them. Not so much here. When standing in line one time, the person next to me seemed a little close so I automatically backed away, giving them extra room. For me it seemed like the thoughtful thing to do, until I realized by the "Do you think I smell?" look I received that I was being perceived as having unthoughtful behavior! Like I said, it's all what perspective you have on the same situation. When living in a foreign land, this is something vital one must accept!

For the other part of the assessment, I have found Koreans to live up to their reputation of being nice. It seems like an injustice to simply say that Koreans love children; I feel like there should be a stronger word for the treatment my son gets in public. Before moving here, we were warned that NJ would draw attention. Not just for his looks, but also for the fact that he is two years old. I have never rode on public transportation with NJ where people aren't getting up to offer him a seat or pointing to available seats to make sure he receives one. Try to get that kind of treatment on a New York City subway! Also, it is custom for adults to offer children goodies such as whole packs of gum or wrapped candy when seeing a child in public. We were even eating at a restaurant once and a gentleman at the next table gave NJ money. I couldn't help but chuckle on the way home that our son was actually paid to eat in public!

NJ was 'kidnapped' by these Katusas (Korean soldiers that work with Americans) so that they could teach him to play this traditional Korean game at a Korean Fair on post. 

Who wouldn't love this face?!? NJ having his rice served to him as a Teddy Bear. Ahh, to be a kid again!

This is my little King Tut at the barber shop learning early on how to get pampered--Korean style!

Koreans are also known for helping strangers, even in a big city like Seoul. I've never been afraid when going out that I wouldn't have someone stop to help me if I really needed it. They might not speak good English and I know I don't speak good Korean, but it still is a reassurance. A friend of mine recalled a story recently about her family looking for a new place and became all turned around. They stopped at a small store to ask the man inside. Instead of trying to direct them, he hopped in his car and led them right to it. Refusing to accept money, all he wanted was to shake her husband's hand. I think that this good deed reflects the kindheartedness in most of the people here.

Like I said before, our current location isn't the home we are used to having. However, with just a little open mindedness and acceptance of our host country's culture, we are really learning that there are elements that make us feel at home wherever we might be.